Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
there is glitter all over my balls
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