3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
