According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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