U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
