It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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