I understand Curling. That high.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
