i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
