she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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