oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
