Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
