Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
