who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
