So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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