I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
