his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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