you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
