yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
