Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
