I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
