New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
