my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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