get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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