i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
