I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
