I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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