You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
