New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
