A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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