So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i think my cat just said my name.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
