Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
