Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
