meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
