i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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