If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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