Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
