my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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