Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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