Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
