You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
