I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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