I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
