wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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