Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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