cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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