Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
