my vag is so smooth its legendary
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
