Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
