is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
