hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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