best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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