Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
